Old CD Case

The first time I heard “Spend Another Night” by Billy Gilman, I was drown to the moment when we were lying on the ground of the hill and starring at the sun. It was breezing morning and you put your arm around me, holding me tight.

You gazed at the sky with smile on your face when you spoke softly, “This is a beautiful morning.”

“It is,” I agreed. I heard music was playing in my head. I moved closer to you as the wind was getting colder.

I looked up and saw your face. In that time, I realized that I distinctly knew that you and I were meant to be together.

Now I was sitting in a cafe with my sandwich untouched. The seat in front of me was empty. I was alright.

I said nothing. The waiters wandered around with apron on and tray in their hands. I was looking at the people outside. They were walking fast on the side walk, some went in to the Victoria’s Secret some went out of McDonald. They all looked the same, Armani mantels, Gucci bags, and all stuff.

“Are you waiting for someone, Anna?”

I turned my attention and saw a cute black hair waiter stopped by me. His tray was full of dirty plates and glasses. But his smile was beaming as usual.

“Not really,” I replied, smiled back at him sincerely. “Just a friend of mine is coming late. Want to join me?”

“Is that okay?” he looked hesitated.

“Sure, I don’t think he’s coming anyway,”

“Alright then,” he smiled a lot wider and looked happier than before. “I’ll be right back,” he added, nodding at his full tray.

He came back again without his tray and apron then sat in front of me. He looked better that way.

“Don’t you want to order something for yourself?”

“No, thank you. It’d be weird anyway ordering something from your own workmates,”

I laughed. “You’re right, emm... Nemeth?” I read his name tag on his black uniform.

“You came here very often,”

“Yeah, I work near here. Just across the street,” I said, started eating my sandwich.

“Ah, I see,” he said, looking at me with his cute smile and sticky eyes.

“What about you?”

“Well, it’s just my part time job while I am taking business major here,” he shruged.

“Wow, that’s great,” I said.

Then our conversation went along till he asked me, “So are you free this weekend?”

My eyes went wide. But I smiled and ready to say yes when the bell door rang and someone came in. That man appearance was contrast with the people around. His mantel looked messy as well as his brown hair.

“Hey! There you are!” that man walked fast toward me. I gave him my little smile as best as I can.  “I’m sorry I’m late. The traffic was so crowded.”

“Yeah, I know. I already guessed,” I said calmly. I just took a deep breath.

“Oh, well, your friend is already here. So I better back to work,” Nemeth stood up and gave me his quick smile before left us alone.

Then that man sat on his seat.

“Well, I am not going to take it too long, Morgan,” I said, searching for something in my bag. “I think you need to have it back,” I pushed an old case of CD toward him.

“What is it?”

I didn’t answer and just looked at him opening up the case. He looked like he forgot about it at first, but then his face shown surprise. He looked up at me in confuse.

“What do you mean with this?”

“I mean, four years is not a short time, Morgan. You had fun in your own world. But now I have my own world. And my own life. So I’m done.”

I just stood up and left my past behind. At least now I could smile full-heartedly as I walked out of the cafe with another smile following me.

T.G.I.F

TGIF! Thank God It’s Friday!

Finally, weekend was coming and we’re ready to rock! Yeaah!

“Let’s get out of this school!” screamed one of my friends after the final bel rang. All the students replied with the same athusiasism.

We all grabbed our things, books, pencils, to our bags. We ran out of our class then went to our cars. Me and my class mates had a plan to go the beach for this weekend, so there we went!

I sat in the back seat, right between my two best friends, Luna and Paul.

“Give me some space, Lucy,” Paul said. I really needed to accept the fact that his big body really needed big space. Haha!

“Okay, okay,” I chuckled.

“Maybe you should bring your own seat, Paul, so you won’t need ours,”

Me and Luna bursted to laugh. Paul just looked at us with squinted eyes.

“Ready to have fun, guys?” said Roman in the driving seat.

“Yep,”

“Let’s go!”

“Let’s beat that Blues!”

“Paul!” we all yelled.

“We’re not going to watch a football match,” Luna added. “Beach, okay, beach?”

We all laughed when we saw Luna tapped his head. Paul’s expression made it looked funnier. He always made us laugh with his ugly face. Haha!

Then we drove to the beach with about four more cars of our class mates. After we arrived, we separated into some groups. Some who played in the water and swam and some who chosen to hike the hill.

Me and my best friends hiked the hill with some other friends. We chatted along the way when the others were busy commenting on the how beautiful the sight seeing was.

“Hey, how’s you and Derek?” Paul asked Luna. Couldn’t believe he picked up this sensitive conversation anyway.

“We’re good,” Luna answered. “We promised to still be friends.”

“Oh, alright,”

I didn’t know why, but I was sure Paul was smiling. I elbowed his rib, forced him to change the conversation.

“Okay, so... anyone thirsty already?”

“Pauuuul!” I rolled my eyes and Luna chuckled. He really couldn’t spend a day without made us laugh. At least smile.

On the peak of the hill, we just lied on the grass and enjoyed the sun set. This was always be our favorite. Sun set. The moment when always shared our stories.

“So, how’s your university future, Paul?” I asked him, still looking at the sky.

“Well, not pretty good,” he replied. “Last week my dad need the money to fix the house’s roof anyway, so I think I need to work after high school before I can go to Uni. Well, my money always run to my family’s need these days. What about yours?”

“Me? You know nothing I need to worry about my Uni. But you know my family very well, they don’t even ask where I really want to go or which major really I want to take,” I explained in exaggerating way, made my two best friends chuckled. “So I always look like talking to a brick wall anyway. No point of it.”

“What about you, Luna?” asked Paul.

“Well, Uni? Checked. Family approvement? Check. Boyfriend? No checked. So I need a real boyfriend in Uni. Like very very veryyyyy soon,”

We chuckled listening to her explanation. Oh, well, we laughed actually!

“Maybe the ‘perfect boyfriend’ you’re looking for is just right in front of you. You just never notice him—Aw!” suddenly I felt my rib’s elbowed. I turned to Paul and looked at him, complaining.

“Shhh!” he fizzed, reminded me not to say anything. But I just grinned and winked.

“Okay, who’s you’re talking about?” asked Luna curiously.

“No one. No one. Lucy was just joking, right? Haha,” he laughed awkwardly in a way to convince her. He elbowed my rib again, tried to get some helps. But I just didn’t say anything.

That’s the way we spent our first day. The next day we decided to stay on the beach. We swam, played on the water or just built a sand castle. Sometimes, it was so childish but we had fun. That’s the most important thing.

And then we went back to our boarding school on Sunday afternoon with clothes were wet and full of sands! Haha. But we’re happy! Ready to face the Boring Monday as usual!

One Room, Two Lives

I was sitting in the living room, watching TV, changing the channel all the time. Honestly, I didn’t know what I really wanted to see. Nothing was interesting anyway. It’s so boring.

I looked around and saw my mom wandering around, doing her work with one hand holding a cell phone and another one holding a pen. She talked very seriously with her client. Ah, my mom, as always, I thought.

In another part of the room, my dad was sitting on the couch, holding a bottle of bear. It’s still in the morning, but he was already drunk. Oh, God!

My brother’s coming down stair, I could hear his footsteps. He appeared in the living room with his messy hair and his night shirt.

“Did you see my wallet?”

“How on earth you’re asking your wallet when you just wake up?” I replied in disbelief, looking at him from up to down.

“Well, I need to order some pizza. I am hungry,”

“Oh, well, waking up and the first thing you thought is pizza. Oh, a perfect brother,” I mumbled. “Maybe you forget flushing it in the toilet,” I added, half-jokingly.

“Oh, right? Maybe I forgot throwing it away to the trash,” he replied, sarcastically. “Mom! Did you see my wallet?” he turned to her, disturbing her daily business activity.

“Oh, honey, you should know where you put your own wallet,” she replied, hang on the phone for a while but then put her attention back again to her client.

“Oh, great,” my bro said, then he came back up stair again and made disturbing noise when he’s searching his wallet. Well, I bet so.

Ignoring all this messy room, I came back looking at my TV, which was now airing morning news. It showed a poor condition of a village in which country I didn’t really know. They were really poor and starving, only lived in a house which made from cardboard boxes and the environment was very dirty.

Oh God, at least I could still live normally today. No matter how weird my family was, with a drunken dad, a super-busy mom, and an ignorant brother, at least I was more fortunate than the people in the TV. Oh, well.

I stood up and walked toward the window. I opened the curtain and let the warm sun light creeping in. I saw the green garden of mine. It’s still wet after the rain last night, but now it looked beautiful, reflecting the sun light.

I turned my attention to my neighbor. A family who was ready to have a vacation. They brought surfing boards, food boxes, swimming suits, etc. They were going to go to the beach, I thought. They laughed all the way to their car in the driveway, putting all their stuff in the baggage. I smiled looking at them, looking at their happiness.

I knew I didn’t have a family like them, but at least I have a family. I couldn’t imagine if I were homeless like the people on the TV. I was already fortunate with what I had, so no complain!

I just couldn’t wait for the holiday to end so I could come back to my other family which was called friends! And to come back to my other home which was called boarding school!

Mythology

Well, I am always interested on something mythical. Let's say an elf, Loch Ness, Big Foot, etc. I don't know why but the less real something is the more interesting it is for me.

I tried to find a book or anything about mythology around the world but it was difficult for me. So I was kind of giving up years ago. But then, I found this book several days ago. In a book store. That I didn't expect. Yep, finally I got what I had been looking for! Yay! Yay! :D

So thank you for "that book store" that helped me to find what I had been looking for :)

Love and Be Loved

What would you do when you're not around?
when you want to be there
when you need to be there
but you can't

I am okay with that
to be here all alone
cause I am waiting for you
no matter how long it will take

you see, I am patient
and I am faithful
to be the one who always belive in you
trust you and... love you

This is it,
the proof of what I really feel
I am committed to be with you
because this is what I am doing best...

Loving you
and being loved back by you...

Tired

I am tired. I just wanna take a rest for a little while.

This things make me confused and I am not ready for it. Not yet. Well, I think I need to take a breath, fresh my brain, fresh my heart and decide calmly and wisely what should I do next. This is not the best thing out of me. I have something more to show and I need to know and to be sure how I should do that.

When I am ready for it, I will. And I know my heart will tell me the best. So I don't need to worry about it because now I have my time for my self to enjoy what's happening :)

My Thank You to One Direction

One Direction is a band. 

But it's just not just a band for me.

This band gives me some luck since October 2012. I earn some money from selling 1D's (stands for One Direction) stuff, from books to CD's. Well, I like this band also that's why I had an idea to spread my selling bussiness to fan-girling thing. But I never thought it would give me this huge income. Okay, actually not very huge, but at least I can feeding my self. Haha

So yeah, I think I need to say a big thank you to One Direction for it. Hope they're getting bigger and bigger. And also success! Love.

Fun things to do

Tired. That's what I feel right now, when I am typing all of this.

Hmm, I just came back from the warehouse to pick up some magazines and books that I will sell. Yes, I do sell some stuff on the internet and that's my income. It's kind of part time job when I am still a student in a university.

Well, it's a fun thing to do. It's fun to do different thing in a whole week, not just sitting in a class listening to the lecturer. It's fun how I have to manage my time for study, sleep, do some sport excersice, selling and do my  hobbies. I really enjoy it. My days do not seem boring anymore. Hahaha ;)

Night Is Not Forever

Dark is
just a phase before reaching bright
you may cry,
you may sad
but patient is the only ticket

gloomy is the weather
you may drown by the atmosphere
or stand where you are
'till the light picking you up

Cold
you can hide in your blanket
or get out of your room
and find out the warm

Night is not forever
you may wait for the dawn to come
to give a bit glimpse of
what morning looks like

when you find it out
you'll realize
that your fight is worth it
as the bright warm sun is the prize

Friends

Friends.

I am not sure what I would be without them. Yes, they are one of the most important part of my life. Without them maybe I would be a body without a soul, a bird without its wings or a plant without its leaves. I would be... empty.

Hmm, maybe they will never know how much they mean to me, but for me they will always be in my memory no matter where I am going in the future. It always feel good to be around them, it always feel better when we share what we have. Our stories, our memories and our... everything.

I am just being a better person when I am with them :)

Sky in November

The clouds are hanging on the sky
Watching me and hide the sun
I am safe, I think
with them as my company...


I lay on the grass
watching them back
like a lover waiting to come around
I love them


This is the sky I love in November
hypnotize me
with the sound of birds singing, in the distance
very enchanting


it's like vanilla ice cream—the sky in November is
always be my favorite, sweet and melting
only once a year, I can see
my self turning something new

How Lucky I Am

I think I can't be grateful enough for what I already have...

I see people down the street. They sleep on the sideway, with the rest of their life depends on the others' pity. I feel lucky, yes I am luckier than them. I can eat delicious meals three times a day when they can't, I can study in a university when I don't know whether they even graduate from elementary school or not...

How lucky I am, I think. And sometimes I think about how I can payback the luck that I got from God. And the answer comes instantly: by helping the unfortunate. Well, I am not working yet, but I can still help them with my own way, with my own ability :)

No Think, Do Feel

Do you ever know me?
Staring at you like numb...
I am not even blink
just so you know me...


My eyes' hurt, you know
Don't look away,
Be mine and don't let go
this is me, who's you're looking for...


When will you realize?
Talk to me
and don't think, just feel
Cause I am not even care


What you're thinking is
What in your mind is
cause I just wanna know what in your heart is
what you feel—


Don't think, stop thinking!
Just feel it, what you really need
what you really want
and who you really love—

Life is...

I am not sure how it will end. I don't even know how it will start...


Well, I am always curious about life. Just because it hides a lot of mysteries. So many questions I can ask to it and the answers will remain nil. Let's take a simple question: where will I be in the next ten years? Oh well, the answer won't come easily. I have to live this life fully, through all the phases both the bright sun and and stormy days to find the answer. And sometimes, the answer which come out is away different from what we had expected..


That's life. For me, it always work unexpectedly and illogically...


Life is the best place to learn, more than our schools...


Life teachs us anything about school, but school doesn't teach us about life. 

Who Gets the Credit?

It's just me. I know.

Sometimes I just write something so absurd. Or saying something unbelievable. I mean unbelievable absurd! Haha

I just found this quotation that makes me want to write my opinion about it. It says "It's amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn't matter who gets the credit" - unknown author.

Well, I don't think I can explain enough how true it is for me. Hmm, I know people should get what they deserve, like when they've done something then they are the ones who deserve the credits. But sometimes, life doesn't work that way. And honestly, I don't mind.

Yes, sometimes, when I know my friend telling my idea that I told him, I think I am the one who deserve to get the credit from the teacher, not him. But then I realize that I feel alright with it. I mean, I don't care who gets the credit. It already satisfied me just by realizing that we both know who came up with the idea originally. I know I already accomplished something when I was coming up with that idea and I know I don't need any recognition by the others. I feel satisfied already, just by knowing that I did accomplish something...


What I did is more important then the praise that come from the others... Well, let's just say that I don't wanna do something just to be praised by the others. I want to do something because I love it and I enjoy it, no matter what their reaction is. Yes I don't care whether people like or not, but when they love my works I'll be very very happy. I'll be very happy they love my works, no matter even if they don't know who the author is, who is me. Yup, sometimes I just want to hide my identity when I creat some works... Just to make sure they like my works objectively without considering who the author is...

Scars

They are still there. That scars. I can see it clearly, even thought no one else can.


I am just sitting here, in my room. Thinking.
Hmm, that scars... one, two, three, four, five... maybe more... Because those are just the ones which can be seen. There are more that I can't see but still... I can feel.


Every time I see those scars, I feel like I am being dragged back to the past, to the pain and to the tears that drop to my cheek. It wasn't easy time, but I survived. So I do now.


But surviving is not as easy as it said. It's like holding a broken glass, you can keep it in your hands but you'll get hurt. Sometimes, I feel like I want to let go that broken glass, just to escape from the pain. But really, I am aware that this broken glass is the only thing left that I have. The only thing I own to keep me alive with the water flowing in it. So I think, no matter how hard it is, I'll keep holding that broken glass... Just to make sure that I am not gonna give up that easily... 


You know why? Because this life is just too wonderful and too beautiful to let go :)

A Rose That Lost Its Thorn

I am sitting here
Thinking about the past
When I was struggle to find out
Where I should be
was it here?
was it somewhere else?

I am sitting here
Thinking about the past
When I was wondering
Who I really was
was I just who I was?
was I just not who I was?

I am standing here
so far away from you
Knowing that I miss you
The one who stood by me when I was mixed-up
The one who helped me through those times

Now I am starring at a rose
Thinking that I am just like that rose
But I am just a rose that lost its thorn
And you should know that
the one who become the thorn—is you

who protected me from any harm..

Life-Changing Events

I never thought that I would experience it by my self anyway.

Yes, I have heard about it. A lot. I have heard about how people changed after experience a kind of powerful event or let we just call it Life-Changing Events. Hmm, I thought it was just exaggerating, because I didn't believe that someone could be actually change dramatically in a short period of time. But that was long time ago, when I only heard about it without actually witness it... or experience it.

But then something happened, less then a year ago. Hmm, I am not gonna talk about it in detail, but yes something happened. That changed me. In many ways.

My point of view of life, my behaviour, my life style did change. And there are many other changes that I can't mention one by one over here. But the point is, I believe that this is the change for the good. At least I hope so...

I can honestly say that it was the worst ever experience in my life. But in contradictory, it brought me the best lessons, brought the best out of me.

Well, I just think that sometimes the best thing in our life comes out from the worst thing that we can't ever imagine.

One Simple Thing I Want to Be

Some people say I need to change the way I dress. Some people say I need to be more girly. Some people say I need to be... bla bla bla. They just want me to be... what they want me to be. Why? This is my life, I'll do what I want to do and I'll be what I want to be. That's not gonna hurt anyone, so why do they have to be so critical about me?


Yes, I want to be good. But I have my own criteria of what to do to be good is. Everyone has their own anyway. They have their own point of view, their own opinion, perspective, etc. And the point of all of it is no matter how hard we believe in our ideology or anything, we need to be aware that the other people also have their own and what we need to do is respect it.


One person can have an idea and truly believe that it's the true one, the right one, the best one. But it doesn't mean that the others have to think the same. It doesn't mean that if the other people have different idea means they're wrong. Something could be wrong in your opinion, but it could be right for the others' opinion. That's the uniqueness of being human, we are created differently, from the physical appearance, behavior, even point of view.


That's why I try to ignore what people say about me, even though it's not always working, because I just want to be my self. That's all. Simple, right?

New Dawn for the Barefoot Cinderella

There will be black and white

Some dancing butterflies and barking dogs

even the scars behind the mask

You can see them all in the mirror

The sun's maybe not coming up

but the moon is the fire of the night

accompany you in tears and laugh

till you realise that you love what you hate

This is not the end of the world

to be a used book or the second hand clothes

to be a barefoot Cinderella without the glass shoes

That's not the point of being true

Beheld of the shadow

time is passing by, failed to get the attention

Don't be scared, the rain will wipe away your sorrow
because this is just the new dawn for the new day

Hands of the Clock

I feel the melody, pumping in my heart every time I see you... This is not a fairy tale, I know. But sometimes, I wish it was. Just to make sure that it'd last happily ever after...


I don't wanna wake up. I'd better just close my eyes and hear your voice, ringing in my ear everyday... I can find a harmony in my heart. It's full of you. And you understand it completely, I know...


It was the waiting to get a glimpse of you... So long... So long I was waiting... And I was getting tired... Maybe you would never see me. Maybe I was just wasting time to think of you... My hope fell, you know...


But wait... you're already there. Standing and looking at me. Your wide smile made my heart beating even faster. In my head, your voice echoed even louder... the way you looked at me... that way you looked at me...


How didn't I know it? You had been there, noticed me... We just never said "Hi" because we both never knew what in each other's heart is...


But now we both know... Nothing can't stop us now, right? So just let the hands of the clock stand still then. Make the time capture this beautiful moment... in this starting line of our new blossom life... the starting line where we can always look back in the future, to see and remind us where the word "us" is starting from...

The Moon

I see it. In the middle of the night...


We're lying under the moonlight, looking at it with smile on our faces. I don't know what you're thinking, but I do want to know so bad... I am curious... very curious...


Then you turn around to me. You're looking at me with "that look". The look that you only give to me. No one else... Only me...


I am so anxious. What are you gonna say? What are you gonna tell me? Oh God, I catch my breath. Just tell me...


Then you whisper it in my ear... finally... That three words... that three words that I've been waiting for...


Please, my dear moon night, keep shining on us... Don't let go... Stay with us and be our witness... witness of our whirlwind romance... all this year...


I close my eyes, remembering every second of that moment... So sweet, so warm, and so unforgettable...

My Heart's Singing For Love

Bird, can't you hear?

I'm singing for you—bringing me a love

in your beak...

You're flapping your wings

with love in your beak...

I'm singing—singing—singing—

Can I?

Have it now... See him now...

Hmm—waiting for you to come, bird

Singing my heart for a love

Sshh, don't disturb me

I'm singing for a love—in your beak

Please don't break it, please

The sweetness, the purity, the sincerity

of the love—I'm singing for, I'm waiting for

Come here bird, fall the love to me

Should I jump? To catch you

But you're flying too fast—

So I'm singing for the love, my heart is

Stop flying? Please, perch on my shoulder, 

My heart is—singing—singing—for the love

from your beak—to let him fall for me...

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is caring...

I believe in it. 

Nothing much I can say, but I believe that there's no point of what we have if it's not being shared. Yes, it's a good feeling to have anything we want, but I think we'll feel happier if we can share it to the others. Do you ever feel like you can laugh more often when you're with your friends? I do. Do you ever feel like your appetite is bigger when you eat with your family from the same plate? I do. 

I believe that naturally people will be happier when they share what they have. It's just that sometimes some of them forget about it, about how they feel when they give what they have, that makes them don't care about the others and keep anything for themselves. 

Do you think why people do not like to be lonely? Because they'll have no one. No one to share their story, no one to share their sadness, happiness, and sometimes a shoulder to lean on. 

Sometimes, I wonder why some people have so many excuses not to help the unfortunate. One time they'll say, "Sorry, I am still a student I don't have a job. I can't help them", in another time they'll say, "I'm so sorry for them, but I'm not a rich man. I wish I could help." 

Why? Why? Why do they think they have to be rich and have a job first before they can help the others? We can still help them even thought we are extremely poor and just students who still get money only from our parents. Give them what we have, even if it's just a penny. Why "being not rich" and "being a student" have to be their excuses? What if we never be rich in the end? Then you'll never have a willingness help them. What if (I hope do not happen) we die young? Then you'll regret your life (as a student maybe) for being so useless for other people, for losing your chances to help them. Do you want to be a dead man who is well-known for being so useless? Or maybe you'll be a dead man who's NOT well-known AT ALL because you didn't leave any good mark in society, because you're that useless.

It's so common to see a celebrity or a popular man or a rich man giving what they have in a huge amount. I am not surprised. It becomes their duty to help them because they are more fortune than the others. But it's an "extra-astonishing" when I saw a man, who was extremely poor with torn clothes and lived under a bridge; put his money (that he had gotten from a kind guy who had passed him) into a box for charity in front of a mosque. Helloooo? Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Because I was ashamed of myself when I witnessed it. That man, who was less fortune than me, could do such a noble thing. But me? I was more fortune but I did... nothing. 

Since that time, I have been aware that no matter what happen to me there are still some people out there who are less fortune than me and need my help. So I don't want to wait for anything happen to me to help them. 

When I want to help them, I will. Now. With whatever I have. Without excuses. 

It's Okay To Be My Self

I am not sure when the first time I came up with this idea, but I think I have been always comfortable being my self since I was kid. Yes, since I was kid, when I had no idea what the important of being our selves is.


I used to get many stuff inherited from my brother. Yes, my older brother. His bags, his school books, even his helmet. I was okay with that. I didn't complain too much. I think that was just me, being okay to have what I got (most of the time). And maybe that's also a seed which then grew to be a stronger character of accepting the way I am. 


Hmm, not that I want to neglect my self or something. Of course I want to improve my self, but there are one or two imperfect parts of me that I just let them that way. Why do I do it? I didn't know the answer at first, but then I realize that unconsciously I do it to remind my self that I am NOT perfect. I want to have something that I can use as a marker so I can always look to it and remind my self that I have flaws. 


Why is it so important for me to be always aware that I am imperfect? Well, maybe because I don't want to be a person I don't want to be. I don't want to be big-headed, I don't want to be arrogant, I don't want to be a person who think that I am the best while the others are losers. I just want to be as humble as I can. I want to be a good person. That's why I think I can use my flaws to always drag me to the right track every time my arrogance, my egos, try to sneak out of me... Of course, most of the time, a couple of flaws and the imperfections that I let that way are the ones physically... 


Leave alone small part of your physical flaws, but improve most parts of your personality... I know it's kind of a strange principle, but it's just me and I believe it's good to improve my self as a person... :)

Taking A Risk

This is not a game. It isn't. But sometimes, I think we need to take a risk and do some gambles. In our life...


I still remember I did this crazy thing back to early 2009. Yep, back then I was a fresh student in Biology Department, UNS. It is the first university that I have attended. Thought it didn't end good, I had great experiences and a bunch of good friends that I wouldn't forget...


It was all begun around this day three years ago. It was the start of my second semester in UNS when I, didn't know why, felt this uneasy feeling being there. I mean I had been happy to study Biology even thought it had never been my choice to be there (it had been my Mom's choice anyway). But suddenly my happiness was distracted by this uncomfortable feeling to sit there in the class, listening to the lecturer talking about microbiology or anything kind of. I went back to my boarding house with this uneasy feeling's following. And it kept following me in the next several days...


In those days, I kept asking my self what's wrong with me, why I felt this way, but then it ended with one single important question in my head: is this a sign for me to take a step further?


Consciously, I knew the answer was yes. A big YES!


Then, I made the most insane-high risk decision in my life: Dropping out of my university!
Yes, it was a huge risk. Yes, I just let go my education which everyone hardly to get. Call me insane, call me irresponsible, or whatever you want. I was just following my instinct at that time, following my feeling. I didn't think too much and just did it.


It wasn't without any consequence anyway. My decision made a huge commotion in my class and, of course, it was a huge blow also for my Mom.


My friends kept asking my decision and they politely asking me to rethink about it. But my answer was always the same: a no and a shaking head. My decision made a bigger impact to my Mom. She was so upset, asking me over and over again to continue my study, at least till the end of the semester when the SNMPTN (a kind of SAT test in the US) reopen to let me enter another university or another major which I really wanted. So at least if I didn't pass the test, I still had my Biology major as a back up. I wouldn't be jobless at least. But I was very sure about my decision (or maybe just being so stubborn. haha), so I kept saying 'no' as the answer. That made my Mom barely talk to me for months. I mean it, literally for months.


I knew I felt so confident to drop out, but it's just about dropping out that I was very sure. Honestly, I had no idea where to go next. I didn't know which university I wanted to go and I had no clue what major I really had passion to go for. I screw up! I know! But it didn't make me regret what I just did... weird, right? Oh, well...


I was looking for the answer when I finally talked to a friend about it. I still remember it very clearly. I was in her boarding house when the rain was pouring swiftly. We talked about it till suddenly she came out with this crazy idea and said, "Why don't you try English Literature? Look at my house mate, she's doing her final paper just by reading a book. Besides, you're pretty good in English." At first, I wasn't very sure about what she just said, but when I gave it another thought I realized that yes, it was my choice. English Literature.


What I couldn't understand about my self at that time was why I didn't realize it from the start? Why I didn't realize that English Literature was my best choice? I always loved English, I always had good grades in it and it was always be the subject I enjoyed most at school. So why? Why I had never considered it before? I always had  thought about so many possibilities, from phsychology to IT, but English Literature never ever had crossed to my mind even for once. I had been so stupid! Yes, I had. But I was happy to finally realize my mistake and then fix it. Happy chappy! Right? :D


Okay, major: English Literature. One problem was solved. The next problem: which university?


Applying again to UNS was one option, but I still had another possibility in my mind to apply in another university. If I applied to UNS I needed to wait till SNMPTN came around in July. It was too long of waiting. So, I looked for Independent Test (it was called UM for Ujian Masuk) which was held by several big universities and usually was scheduled ahead of SNMPTN. I found out that UM-UGM still opened the registration till the end of March. So I went for it. If I didn't go through then I would try SNMPTN as my last chance...


I still had about a month to study before the day of UM. I study hard, but I didn't put my expectation too high because I knew it was even harder to be accepted in UGM than in UNS.


Applying for UGM was a big thing. It's the best and the oldest university in the country. It's well-known for its super duper difficult scaring test. That's why when my friends knew about it, they became excited and gave me good luck plus hoping for the best for me. My Mom even forgot that she was mad at me and gave me her full support. It was a crazy turning point, anyway. Really.


Then, on April 25, 2009, finally I did the test. But my heart sink even lower. I thought I didn't do it very well. Tens questions I didn't answer, more questions I answered only with guessing and only several questions I answer with confident. I was total WRECK! God, I wouldn't be accepted, I thought...


Even though I had a very low expectation, I did still have this little hope and believe that I still had a small chance to be accepted. I prayed to God every now and then, hoping there would be a miracle coming...


It was my future I took a risk for, so if it failed then I thought I'D RATHER BE DEAD! Okay, it was just exaggerating :D


And then, on April 25, 2009, I saw this in UGM website:

Congratulation! 

You're accepted in UGM for English Literature

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO BE REALLY DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! Not literally dead of course. Haha.

I WAS ACCEPTED! I WAS ACCEPTED! The thing that I still couldn't believe I could achieve, even till today. I thanked God for it, I thanked my Mom, my family and my friends for all their supports. Without them, I would have been nothing :)

Much love and much respect for them, for making me to be in the place I should be for now... in  UGM :) 


And it all happened because I did take a risk...

Inspirations Keep Flowing

Well, I don't know how it happens to other people, but to me, it keeps flowing. I grew up with it and I am still. Yes, what I mean is inspiration.

I don't know what I would be without being inspired continuously. Sometimes I wonder whether every person in the world has experienced it or it's just us who lucky enough to have it. If they all have it, then I will be very happy to know the story. The story of being inspired that change their life forever. Or at least part of their life. 

I believe that there's always a story behind everyone's back and some of them can be the inspiration for others, including me. I like to know about it, because it's possible that there's always something I can learn from them.

I like reading books and listening to the music, so apart from the people I personally know, I often get the inspiration from the books that I read and the song or music I listen to. It's a proof that inspiration can come from anywhere and somehow anytime. Sometimes, it comes from the person that you barely know, like from the person in the TV show you watch. Sometimes, you can just lying on the bed and listening to your iPod when you suddenly you feel this tingling feeling right when the lyric or melody just hit you in the heart and your mind. It moves you to take some actions, gives you some brand new ideas, or change your point of view about something. That's when you're being inspired...

Once a person being inspired, the inspiration will not stop there. Consciously or unconsciously, that person will share his inspirations to another one, then flowing to another one, to another one and another one... I really love the way this so-called inspiration's working, it keep recycling and never fail to lift up people's spirit. That's just so awesome!

It's also this inspiration that help me to be the person I am today. My teachers' wise words, my parents' orders, my friends' point of views, books that I read, music I listen to, even if it's just random people's thoughts or behaviours can be the inspirations for me. They come from everywhere. And I am very grateful to have these inspirations keep flowing to me. So one thing I want to say is that I thank God for it and I hope I'll keep getting the other new inspirations flowing to me, because I know I still have so much to learn, so much to see and so much to hear...