Taking A Risk

This is not a game. It isn't. But sometimes, I think we need to take a risk and do some gambles. In our life...


I still remember I did this crazy thing back to early 2009. Yep, back then I was a fresh student in Biology Department, UNS. It is the first university that I have attended. Thought it didn't end good, I had great experiences and a bunch of good friends that I wouldn't forget...


It was all begun around this day three years ago. It was the start of my second semester in UNS when I, didn't know why, felt this uneasy feeling being there. I mean I had been happy to study Biology even thought it had never been my choice to be there (it had been my Mom's choice anyway). But suddenly my happiness was distracted by this uncomfortable feeling to sit there in the class, listening to the lecturer talking about microbiology or anything kind of. I went back to my boarding house with this uneasy feeling's following. And it kept following me in the next several days...


In those days, I kept asking my self what's wrong with me, why I felt this way, but then it ended with one single important question in my head: is this a sign for me to take a step further?


Consciously, I knew the answer was yes. A big YES!


Then, I made the most insane-high risk decision in my life: Dropping out of my university!
Yes, it was a huge risk. Yes, I just let go my education which everyone hardly to get. Call me insane, call me irresponsible, or whatever you want. I was just following my instinct at that time, following my feeling. I didn't think too much and just did it.


It wasn't without any consequence anyway. My decision made a huge commotion in my class and, of course, it was a huge blow also for my Mom.


My friends kept asking my decision and they politely asking me to rethink about it. But my answer was always the same: a no and a shaking head. My decision made a bigger impact to my Mom. She was so upset, asking me over and over again to continue my study, at least till the end of the semester when the SNMPTN (a kind of SAT test in the US) reopen to let me enter another university or another major which I really wanted. So at least if I didn't pass the test, I still had my Biology major as a back up. I wouldn't be jobless at least. But I was very sure about my decision (or maybe just being so stubborn. haha), so I kept saying 'no' as the answer. That made my Mom barely talk to me for months. I mean it, literally for months.


I knew I felt so confident to drop out, but it's just about dropping out that I was very sure. Honestly, I had no idea where to go next. I didn't know which university I wanted to go and I had no clue what major I really had passion to go for. I screw up! I know! But it didn't make me regret what I just did... weird, right? Oh, well...


I was looking for the answer when I finally talked to a friend about it. I still remember it very clearly. I was in her boarding house when the rain was pouring swiftly. We talked about it till suddenly she came out with this crazy idea and said, "Why don't you try English Literature? Look at my house mate, she's doing her final paper just by reading a book. Besides, you're pretty good in English." At first, I wasn't very sure about what she just said, but when I gave it another thought I realized that yes, it was my choice. English Literature.


What I couldn't understand about my self at that time was why I didn't realize it from the start? Why I didn't realize that English Literature was my best choice? I always loved English, I always had good grades in it and it was always be the subject I enjoyed most at school. So why? Why I had never considered it before? I always had  thought about so many possibilities, from phsychology to IT, but English Literature never ever had crossed to my mind even for once. I had been so stupid! Yes, I had. But I was happy to finally realize my mistake and then fix it. Happy chappy! Right? :D


Okay, major: English Literature. One problem was solved. The next problem: which university?


Applying again to UNS was one option, but I still had another possibility in my mind to apply in another university. If I applied to UNS I needed to wait till SNMPTN came around in July. It was too long of waiting. So, I looked for Independent Test (it was called UM for Ujian Masuk) which was held by several big universities and usually was scheduled ahead of SNMPTN. I found out that UM-UGM still opened the registration till the end of March. So I went for it. If I didn't go through then I would try SNMPTN as my last chance...


I still had about a month to study before the day of UM. I study hard, but I didn't put my expectation too high because I knew it was even harder to be accepted in UGM than in UNS.


Applying for UGM was a big thing. It's the best and the oldest university in the country. It's well-known for its super duper difficult scaring test. That's why when my friends knew about it, they became excited and gave me good luck plus hoping for the best for me. My Mom even forgot that she was mad at me and gave me her full support. It was a crazy turning point, anyway. Really.


Then, on April 25, 2009, finally I did the test. But my heart sink even lower. I thought I didn't do it very well. Tens questions I didn't answer, more questions I answered only with guessing and only several questions I answer with confident. I was total WRECK! God, I wouldn't be accepted, I thought...


Even though I had a very low expectation, I did still have this little hope and believe that I still had a small chance to be accepted. I prayed to God every now and then, hoping there would be a miracle coming...


It was my future I took a risk for, so if it failed then I thought I'D RATHER BE DEAD! Okay, it was just exaggerating :D


And then, on April 25, 2009, I saw this in UGM website:

Congratulation! 

You're accepted in UGM for English Literature

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO BE REALLY DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! Not literally dead of course. Haha.

I WAS ACCEPTED! I WAS ACCEPTED! The thing that I still couldn't believe I could achieve, even till today. I thanked God for it, I thanked my Mom, my family and my friends for all their supports. Without them, I would have been nothing :)

Much love and much respect for them, for making me to be in the place I should be for now... in  UGM :) 


And it all happened because I did take a risk...